Four Days

When things got particularly rough last week with our birth mom I started writing like crazy. It is amazingly therapeutic for me so I wrote a little something every day of the week to get me through. The posts may be a little jumbled, but here they are in all of their unedited glory. You get these posts this week while I'm snuggling my brand new baby boy.

Today was the last doctors appointment Isaiah will have with his birth mom. 

She apologized to me for the way she acted earlier in the week. 

She's still acting like she is going through with it, but for some reason I don't feel secure in this. 

I'm just still scared.

I'll admit though, after leaving work for the last time for a long time, I felt much better than I have in a long time. It felt like I had one less thing to worry about. I have a ridiculously low stress job where I basically do whatever I want as long as I get my work done. I get my work done because I have my job well organized. I just know that when I come back it is going to be a whole different ballgame. In the past two weeks, that has added to my stress level. I was trying to train my boss (you read that right) and I was getting so frustrated because I'm tired and anxious and it would have just been easier to do myself. 

I decided I wanted to make freezer meals before the baby came so we wouldn't have to worry about meal planning or big grocery shopping for a little while after coming home. I love the meals I made tonight, but it makes me want to do the whole month at once and that will most certainly require an upright freezer.

As I was making the food tonight my mind kept wandering to Isaiah. I wonder what kinds of food he will like, and I wonder if he'll like my cooking as much as his dad does.

I love his dad so much. I decided that Joshua needed a little something for being so amazing to me. The other night I came home and he had dinner going in the crock pot AND he came home with my favorite wine. He's amazing. Anyway, I went to the cigar store near work and bought him a cigar that I think he'll like to celebrate the birth of our son.