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Tuesday, May 17, 2022


 Most days, I forget that I have MS. 

You know, like how someone forgets that their hair is brown or their eyes are blue. Not truly forgotten, but not something you always think about. Just a truth about who you are as a person.

Today is not one of those days. Today, I'm mourning my body. I miss walking without pain. I miss walking freely, with no restrictions. I miss being carefree. I miss being able to walk outside and be.

My feet, my legs, my hips, my brain. None of it belongs to me anymore. It has all jumped ship and are in the control of MS now. They're traitors that I still have to rely on for everything. 

I can buy the right shoes, but if my feet don't like them, they're out. 

I can take the right medicines, but if my legs don't feel like walking today, they're not walking.

I literally, cannot fake it 'til I make it anymore. And that's really hard, because that's pretty much my entire personality. 

My body is no longer mine. 

I have no autonomy. Only MS.

Sunday, May 8, 2022

mother's day blues

This is to all non-moms. All people who desperately want to be moms, but aren't. Either not yet, not ever, or not currently. 

I always felt really down on Mother's Day before becoming a mom, for obvious reasons. Everyone is happy. Everyone is posting how wonderful their moms are and how wonderful it is to be a mom. So. Many. Bump. Photos.

And yeah, they all have the right to be happy, but when you're not happy, it's just kind of fucking sucks. 

I am sorry that you are feeling the feelings of the place where you are. I felt those feelings for so long, and honestly, they've still never gone away. They've lessened in severity, but I can still celebrate Mother's Day while sitting with my grief. And so can you. Be extra kind to yourself today. 


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