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Friday, November 22, 2013

I'm A Selfish Mom

And a good one.

I know that the word selfish makes you think I'm a bad mom, but I'm not.

I've seen so many things lately on Facebook about how we should run to our crying babies because they just want us. We should embrace them and comfort them so that they know everything is alright.

I saw a blog post written by a baby in the middle of sleep training that was essentially a long guilt trip to all mothers who want to sleep train. It portrayed a baby who was scared and cold all alone in their cold, institutional-like crib. It talked about the days and days the baby would cry and his mom wouldn't comfort him. And how scared he was.

Yeah. Alright.

I considered writing my own letter from a sleep trained baby that said: Shut up. I'm trying to sleep.

I'm off topic.

Isaiah is teething right now, and he is getting four at the same time, which is essentially four times worse than all the other teeth he's gotten. Early in the morning he wakes up between 4 and 5. A few days I've slept on and off through it because he lays in bed and whines. After the fourth day, I decided I simply couldn't get up that early. I went into his room, picked him up, and brought him to bed with me.

Co-sleeping. I said I would never do it.

And I honestly tried it.

As soon as he was calmed down though, I knew I couldn't keep him there.


Because it's my bed. I love my baby, but he has his own bed, and I want him in it.

I want to sleep without worrying that I'm hurting him. I'm selfish.

I got him up and put him in his crib. He immediately went back to sleep and the whole thing was over.

Related, I refused to induce lactation. There are many reasons for this, but the main reason is that I'm selfish.

I sleep and nap trained Isaiah.

And you know what? I wouldn't change a thing.

Does he look traumatized to you?

I don't care that I'm selfish. I don't see it as a bad thing. For some reason we think we have to completely lose ourselves in being moms. We have to abandon our former life and completely devote ourselves to every whim of our children. I can't get on board with that. I cannot allow a nine month old child to run my home.

Yes, I try to be home every night around the same time so I can get him in bed. Yes, I do the same routine with him to comfort him. When he doesn't feel well, I give him medicine to ease the pain.

But all of those things also benefit me. If he's in bed at his normal time, he's sleeping. If I do the same routine, we're both happy. If I give him medicine, we're not both crying.

Full disclosure here: I was raised as an only child, and so was Josh. So I come by my selfishness honestly, but it's working here.

And if I have to eat my words someday, I will.

That's all.

No it's not.


Now, I'm done.

Monday, November 18, 2013

Cora Carmack - Seeking Her

You. Guys.

I haven't posted much about reading here lately, but I have been hitting up the library like crazy since the weather has cooled down and Isaiah has gotten a bit more independent. He loves going to the library as much as I do (because they have amazing aquariums). I always make sure to check out the New Fiction section and saw Losing It and Faking It by Cora Carmack. I snagged them both and read them each in a day. No small feat for a new mom, I think.

Recently Finding It came out and I was the first on the hold list at the library. I loved it, so when I saw the request for bloggers to help with the cover reveal of Seeking Her, I knew I wanted in.

If you haven't heard of these books, you should definitely check them out. Literally. Use your library. You already pay for it in your taxes.

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ABOUT SEEKING HER by Cora Carmack A few months after being honorably discharged from the military, Jackson Hunt is still struggling to adjust back to the real world. He needs to get a job and find a sense of normalcy if he’s going to keep his own demons at bay. The job that falls into his lap, though, is anything but normal. Bodyguard (and baby-sitter) to spoiled-rich-girl Kelsey Summers isn’t exactly what he’d been looking for, but it’s a chance to travel, to get away from the home that has felt stifling ever since his return. It would be a pretty sweet gig if it weren’t for the fact that Kelsey’s father doesn’t want Kelsey to know she’s being followed. Hunt feels guilty (and a little bit creepy) as he watches her from afar. She’s vibrant and infuriating, exciting and reckless, mysterious and familiar. When he sees her falling into the same patterns that he suffered years ago, he decides it’s time to stop watching and help her instead. But getting to know her is more difficult than he thought, especially because the more he knows her,the more he wants her.

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

November - Catch the Moment

I'm participating in Nurse Loves Farmer's Catch the Moment post again this month.

These pictures are much easier to catch now that Isaiah is so busy that he doesn't want to look at the camera for me.

This guy doesn't have any forward motion yet, but he can crawl backwards. I love him so much.

Eating Mum Mums with shades on. Rockstar. Side note: I started #zayhairdontcare on Instagram. He gets so focused on whatever is going on that he doesn't notice or care when I put stuff on his head. I know, I know, hashtags are so 2010, but I think it's funny. And don't lie, you think it's funny too.

I love watching him play. It's so interesting to watch him explore (I'm sure my opinion will change when he is exploring things I don't want him to).

We've had a few Pajama Mondays in our house. It's cold, and he looks so cute in them.

Link up with us!
Catch The Moment

Wednesday, November 6, 2013

Turnips for Dinner

Joshua and I have always had more than we needed. We were both blessed with parents who wanted us to have everything they were able to give us. Now that we're parents ourselves, life seems to have gotten real.

I knew things would be difficult once we had children, but I didn't know what it would look like. We both have degrees, and lots of debt (mostly mine) to go along with them. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't wish I had understood what I was getting into before I signed on the dotted line.

I never thought we would choose between paying bills, or buying groceries. I never thought I would buy a 10lb bag of potatoes, forget trying to eat healthy, and just try to feed us. I never thought our student loan payments would take so much of our income. I never thought I would decline party invites because we couldn't afford to take a gift.

What I'm saying is this: losing income, paying for adoption, and being broke has made me a much more grateful person.

Just in case you're reading this thinking that I'm okay with it, I'm not. I feel extremely guilty about bringing my student debt to our family, and not bringing more money in. I hate that we count pennies, and I hate that I'm so embarrassed about our struggles that I don't talk to anyone about it. I hate that my husband has to work two jobs. I hate that we waited so long for Isaiah and can't give him all of the things we'd like.

But I'm grateful. This has taught us that we can survive. It has shown us that the way we lived before was excessive, and what we used to think were hard times, weren't so hard at all. I'm reminded that things can always get worse for us, so when I say my prayers, they're full of thankfulness. Every time I start to feel like things are going from bad to worse, or I need to have a pity party, I remind myself of the things I do have. I have a home. I have a family. I have taught myself to be resourceful (hello reusing aluminum foil). I have learned valuable lessons that go back to our grandparents' generation. While I haven't gone as far as making my own lye soap yet, my grandma is ready to help me when it's time.

When I feel like our dinner is sad, I remember a story she told me once about picky eating. She was born and grew up on a farm in the middle of The Great Depression. I didn't taste a turnip until I was well into my twenties, and she was the person who made me try it. While we were discussing how it tasted similar to a potato, she told me that when she was younger there was no such thing as a picky eater. You either ate or you didn't. She said that some days they had turnips for dinner, because that is what there was. You ate what was available. And you were happy with it.

So while things aren't ideal, and here and there we may need to have turnips for dinner, we have each other.

We've survived every hard day before this one, so why should today be any different?


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