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Friday, November 22, 2013

I'm A Selfish Mom

And a good one.

I know that the word selfish makes you think I'm a bad mom, but I'm not.

I've seen so many things lately on Facebook about how we should run to our crying babies because they just want us. We should embrace them and comfort them so that they know everything is alright.

I saw a blog post written by a baby in the middle of sleep training that was essentially a long guilt trip to all mothers who want to sleep train. It portrayed a baby who was scared and cold all alone in their cold, institutional-like crib. It talked about the days and days the baby would cry and his mom wouldn't comfort him. And how scared he was.

Yeah. Alright.

I considered writing my own letter from a sleep trained baby that said: Shut up. I'm trying to sleep.

I'm off topic.

Isaiah is teething right now, and he is getting four at the same time, which is essentially four times worse than all the other teeth he's gotten. Early in the morning he wakes up between 4 and 5. A few days I've slept on and off through it because he lays in bed and whines. After the fourth day, I decided I simply couldn't get up that early. I went into his room, picked him up, and brought him to bed with me.

Co-sleeping. I said I would never do it.

And I honestly tried it.

As soon as he was calmed down though, I knew I couldn't keep him there.


Because it's my bed. I love my baby, but he has his own bed, and I want him in it.

I want to sleep without worrying that I'm hurting him. I'm selfish.

I got him up and put him in his crib. He immediately went back to sleep and the whole thing was over.

Related, I refused to induce lactation. There are many reasons for this, but the main reason is that I'm selfish.

I sleep and nap trained Isaiah.

And you know what? I wouldn't change a thing.

Does he look traumatized to you?

I don't care that I'm selfish. I don't see it as a bad thing. For some reason we think we have to completely lose ourselves in being moms. We have to abandon our former life and completely devote ourselves to every whim of our children. I can't get on board with that. I cannot allow a nine month old child to run my home.

Yes, I try to be home every night around the same time so I can get him in bed. Yes, I do the same routine with him to comfort him. When he doesn't feel well, I give him medicine to ease the pain.

But all of those things also benefit me. If he's in bed at his normal time, he's sleeping. If I do the same routine, we're both happy. If I give him medicine, we're not both crying.

Full disclosure here: I was raised as an only child, and so was Josh. So I come by my selfishness honestly, but it's working here.

And if I have to eat my words someday, I will.

That's all.

No it's not.


Now, I'm done.


  1. LOVE this post and I'd love to read that blog post you're talking about because I am VERY opinionated (and perhaps selfish too!) on sleep training. I don't care if people don't sleep train, BUT I do care if you think I'm an awful parent for it. It's the gift that keeps on giving! I sleep trained both my boys at 5 months and they're amazing, awesome sleepers anywhere and everywhere (except the car seat!)

  2. I see nothing wrong with letting them fuss a bit! I do to E. We co-slept the first part of her life, well because I'm selfish and I breastfed and it was a lot easier for me to just roll over put a boob in her mouth and pass back out. lol but then at 6 months, she was in her own bed. Well then I guess I'm a selfish mom too, because I love having my bed with my husband. Alone! I didn't really let, and still don't let, her cry (this is talking more of a fuss) more than about 10 minutes. But that's all I can take. Usually though, she's back to sleep within 5. I think a lot of mom's forget that parenting is different with each kid. Like if I just let her cry it out in the beginning sagest, she would literally scream for 40min or more. So I had to use different methods.



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