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Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Big Changes

I've decided to do some changing in my life. I've picked a hell of a time to rebel, too. Since the sixth grade, since the very day I dissected a worm in my first science class to be exact, I knew I wanted to be a lawyer. The worm proved to me that I did not want to be a veterinarian and I somehow picked up the notion that I was going to be an attorney. So senior year in high school I applied for an internship to see if I liked it. I ended up not hating it, which was reassuring. So here I am, five years and three law offices later. My first two offices were fine. Actually my second office was a dream job. If I still worked there I would most likely be going to law school right now. The attorneys there were amazing, nice, caring, helpful, everything you could ask for. We closed down and merged with the office I'm at now. Office number two was probably the best job I will ever have. I consider myself very fortunate to have had that opportunity and wish every day that I could have it back. But it was obviously not meant to be. The third office, which is also my current job, ruined it all for me. My rosy picture of life as a lawyer came crashing down. It is nothing like I imagined here. To save myself from going off on a long tangent and essentially just trashing everyone I work with, I'll just say that I cannot see myself living like any of the attorneys here do. It is not what I want. And to be honest, I've never seen any of them look happy. I have been re-evaluating my life these past few months (it started with my name crisis, and I am so grateful for everyone who has stuck through these last few months with me) and I realized that I have been hung up on the idea of going to law school. It became more of what I was going to do, than what I wanted to do. It was what I had to do to be successful, because it hadn't even occurred to me that there might be something else out there for me. I got interested in teaching last year when I tutored a sixth grader in math. I had a lot of fun doing it and it was very rewarding. Our tutoring ended for other reasons, but I was definitely interested in teaching. So now I am planning on finishing up my history degree and then earning a teaching degree. My plan is to teach high school history. My family initially took it well, but last night it came out that my mom and her parents are disappointed in my decision. The old me (the people pleaser) would have cared. I don't. They have a right to what they feel, and hopefully they'll come around, but I don't regret this decision, and I'm sure I won't. I don't want to live for my career, I want to live and be happy with my husband and our kids. Last time I checked, my mom and her parents got to do that as well.

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