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Friday, February 15, 2013

Infertility Breeds Insecurity

And that is a scientific fact. You may not be able to make a baby, but you can make yourself so insecure and bitter that you don't even know who you are any more.

You start to wonder why infertility has happened to you, and feel like less of a woman. You get mad at those who undesirably get pregnant (usually those under the age of 18) and wonder why a loving couple like you can't create the miracle of life. You get jealous, crabby, bitter, and you change.

Not only are you at war against women who get pregnant, you're also at war against other infertile women. How lame is that? You want to be happy for them when they beat infertility, but mixed with your happy tears for them are unhappy tears for you. You want to know when it is going to be your turn. You feel like you don't have a right to be upset because you haven't tried as long as the girl who has been TTC for five years. You dread baby showers, and sometimes you avoid people who have children because seeing them hurts too much.

Personally, I've never felt the need to distance myself from pregnant women or mothers, because children are a fact of life. Just because I haven't gotten pregnant isn't going to erase all children in the world, and it would be selfish of me to think so. However, many women feel this way, and that is their right. I have bailed on more than one baby shower though. Baby showers are hard, and I think it's understandable to skip one. True, your friendship with the mother-to-be might mean a lot to you, but you also have to think about your own feelings. If it is going to add stress to you, and cause a lot of emotional pain, politely decline the invitation.

Also, just because someone has had a hard road with infertility doesn't make them any more entitled to sad feelings than you. When you want a baby, that is all that matters. When you're doing everything right, I don't care how many cycles you've gone though, infertility is hard. When we're super bummed about our infertility, perhaps we need a dose of perspective. We're alive. We breathe, we live, and we have much to be grateful for.

I know, I know. Easier said than done. Be strong, lady. You won't be in this stage forever. 


  1. All I can say is thank you for the this post. I needed to read this this morning.

    1. You're welcome, Susan :) We have to stick together!



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