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Wednesday, April 2, 2008


I have been doing a lot of self examining lately. Today I went to the Y and discovered that a girl who I went to school with works there, a fact which I wasn't aware of. It would be no big deal if I didn't have such a strong dislike for her. I immediately got an internal attitude and got a little angry. I acted like I didn't see her and got on the treadmill. I started walking and then realized how ridiculous I was being. First of all, it might help if you knew why I had such strong feelings against her. We used to play on the same softball team in the summer league and she was never nice to me. We went to middle school together and one time she sent me a message on AIM that said that no one liked me and that I was fat. A few years ago, Josh and I were at the Y and I was following him around talking to him, and she was working out. Right in front of me she tried flirting with him. It only made me love him more that he completely shut her down without a second thought, and he also didn't even realize that she was flirting with him. I love him. But those reasons aren't good rationale for me to still be holding on to a ridiculous grudge. No matter how much it hurt me, can I really hold that against her now? Can someone really be held accountable for something they did that many years ago, and at that age? I don't know what kind of person she is now, I could probably guess, but that wouldn't be fair of me either. For all I know, she could be the same nasty middle schooler that she used to be, but I know I'm not the same person I was then. I've changed, A LOT, I've grown up, A LOT, shouldn't I assume she has too? So I decided this morning on the treadmill that I'm letting go of it. I have far too many people who I don't like, and not enough good reasons for feeling how I do. I mean, I'm going to make a conscious effort to stop holding grudges. I don't mean I'll let go of every single one right this minute, but it will happen eventually, and I'll feel better and I'll be a better person than I am today. I'm not pretending I don't know people anymore when I see them. I complain when people do that to me, and I turned around and did the exact same thing. Its quite a slap in the face when you realize you're doing the very thing you can't stand from other people.

"And we'll be the last to recognize
Where there's shit there's always flies"
-Sheryl Crow, Gasoline

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