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Thursday, March 27, 2008

Weight Loss Issues

I have an incredibly hard time seeing my own size. I have no idea what I actually look like. I saw a magazine article sometime last year where they gave these girls life-size pieces of blank paper and a marker and told them to draw an outline what they thought their body size and shape were. After the girls drew themselves, they had to stand in front of their drawing and have their picture taken. It was AMAZING how much bigger these women thought they really were. It was incredible. I know I would do the exact same thing. When we first got engaged and I first started seriously working out I had another identity crisis (yes, another). I started wondering what the hell I look like. I look at myself in the mirror everyday but its never next to anyone. I started looking at girl's bios on The Knot and most of them have already tried on, if not bought their dresses and they all have pictures up of them in these dresses. So one night I was looking and Josh happened to be sitting there and I asked him if I was the same size as the girl whose bio I was looking at. He laughed at me. Then he told me that this girl was the size of a certain girl I used to be friends with in high school but as of recently am not friends with anymore. So a few days later I did the same thing with my mom except I was looking at a different girl - and she said just about the same thing. So I have no idea what I really look like.

And to make matters worse, I went clothes shopping today. Ok, let me back up. Last Friday, Josh and I went shopping so that he could get something to wear to my baptism and to church on Easter. Shopping with Joshua is one of the few things in life that makes me homicidal. The thing about my wonderfully loving and fantastic fiance is that he has the biggest legs in the world, and a waist, that until recently, was close to the same size as mine. I love him to death and I think he's incredibly hot, I wouldn't want him to look any different at all, but he makes me want to scream when we go shopping. It's not his attitude, it is the fact that NOTHING fits him. So we got to JC Penney around 5:30 and shopped. And shopped, and shopped, and shopped. And I waited, and waited, and waited. I wanted to go upstairs to look at the workout clothes because I have nothing to wear anymore to the Y. Well he finally found a few pair of pants around 7. So I mentioned that I wanted to go upstairs and he said "well we need to get going so we can get to the Y." And I got pissed. I never in my life thought I would be depressed about my clothes not fitting because they are too big. I was honestly feeling awful about myself because nothing fits me. So today I went shopping on my lunch break and got three new pair of work pants. I got three pair because now I'm down to the same size as my mom and she can have them when they no longer fit me. I'm proud to announce that I'm wearing a SIZE 10! YAY! I'm so excited. I weighed myself last night at the Y and I've lost a total of 22lbs. I'm so proud of myself. : ) I also went yesterday and got a corset so I have the right undergarments to try on dresses this weekend! I'm so excited about it.

"The world will turn even when we're gone
The earth will host many souls to come"
-Sheryl Crow, Peace Be Upon Us

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