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Friday, March 14, 2008

Unsolicited Marriage Advice.

Now that I'm engaged, I'm realizing, every single person I've ever met has advice to give me on marriage. EVERYONE. And I'm getting more than a little tired of it, basically because almost all of it is negative. An attorney I work with is a huge advocate of staying single, and he won't leave me alone about it. He knows a few of my family members and has talked to them about it too. I'm starting to get annoyed, at first it wasn't a big deal, I just figured, hey, he just got through a divorce, he's speaking from experience. Now, its becoming more than I can listen to anymore. Today we had a conversation about it, or rather, he told me not to get married. He says I'm too young and I have too many things to do left in my school career and in my life. He says that Josh and I won't be able to handle the stress of law school because I'll be so busy. He says Josh won't stick with me because we'll never spend time together. He tells me stories about how his friends from high school got married at 19 and their marriages failed miserably. Not to mention that just recently his own marriage failed miserably. And he also says I can't use my parents as a representation of Josh and I because my parents are from a different generation and didn't attend college. I asked him if anyone has ever told him he's a pessimist. He told me he is a realist. He asked me what would happen if I decided I wanted to go backpacking in Europe for three months. I told him that Josh would be thrilled. He was then surprised that we share common interests. I mean come on now. He told me that he talked to my mom about it and she agreed with him. And I called him out on that because I know my mom didn't agree with him. How could she? She got married when she was 20, there is no way that when I'm 23 I'll be too young to get married. I told him that I knew my mom didn't agree with him and he said that he may have persuaded her to agree with him, so that means she has no idea she really agreed with what he said. Stupid attorneys. Supposedly my aunt agrees with him, but that doesn't surprise me. It's like if you're in the Failed Marriage Club you have the right to trash the entire institution of marriage. I am sick of listening to this crap. The hilarious thing is after I called my mom to make sure she didn't say any of that one of her friends came in who she used to work with. Mom was telling her friend the story about how he was giving me a hard time about it and her friend asked where I work. She told her and immediately her friend knew who this attorney was. Turns out, they dated. For six years. And she followed him to law school. And they made it FINE through law school. Just after the fifth year they were together things started to change, around the time he started working as an attorney. I wonder if she didn't want to go backpacking in Europe for three months....

This afternoon a man came in to pay his attorney fees. He was a very nice older guy and I helped him understand his bill and how much he owed. He started telling me about his wife, and how they've been married for 47 years. He said she is the most wonderful person he has ever known. It was so sweet, and it was a great thing to listen to. He asked me how long I've been married and I told him that I'm getting married next year. He said he noticed my ring and thought we were already married. He told me to have a great day and he walked out the door. I went to put the receipt book away and when I looked up again he was coming back in the door. And he said: "Let me tell you something, sometime in the next five years, you're going to want to leave that man. Don't. Let me tell you why. We're all the same, just with different faces. And you'll probably do something that will make him want to leave you as well. He's the one who truly makes you happy and you'll make it through anything. Good luck to you both and I hope you make it 47 years. God Bless." Now tell me why there aren't more people like that man on this earth? He was so sweet, it made my entire day so much better. I'm tired of being doubted for what I want. I want to be with Josh forever, why isn't that enough for everyone else?

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