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Tuesday, January 4, 2022

how i feel

Feelings are a strange thing to me. I don't know that I've always felt them the correct way. Many times, I have had someone upset with me and I had absolutely no idea why. I'm not excusing myself in any way, I said that to say that I don't think I interpret things the same way other people do.

My husband and I get along well, but on the times we do argue, I feel bad about my own emotional intelligence, because I feel like mine is broken.

Like "read the room" isn't something I do well. And I don't know if this is my personality or MS. Sometimes I wonder if they can even be separated. 

My previous employer wasn't great for this either. Until last February, I worked in a high stress and highly confrontational environment. With a very high volume of work. And when I find out, even now, that people didn't like me or I upset someone while I was there, I'm still surprised. 

And right now, you're probably thinking that I'm just really oblivious or obtuse, but really, I have a former aunt who said that I was a disgrace to my family for adopting a black child. 

Where I get lost is in the middle. 

Like I always knew she was kind of a bitch, but I didn't realize she was a full on racist bitch. I didn't see that coming.

I also didn't see a former coworker of mine coming when she said that working with me made her feel suicidal. 

What is this called? What am I missing? 

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