Learn More About Me

Sunday, August 19, 2012

Timothy Greenlawn

Today I went with my mom, brothers, and their three neighbor kids to see the movie The Odd Life of Timothy Green. For some reason Joshua and I keep calling him Timothy Greenlawn or Timothy Greenhouse. Whatever. It was a very good movie. I cried at the beginning, middle, and end, but I would still say its good.

I hate sad movies and sad stories. I have never read a Jodi Picoult book because I heard they're all sad. I stopped reading Nicholas Sparks because all I did was cry and I couldn't read them in public...or private. I scared the crap out of my dad when I was reading The Wedding by Nicholas Sparks because he came into my room and I was bawling. It was comical.

However, The Curious Case of Timothy Greenjeans isn't like that for me. It was sad, but it was also something I could very much relate to. (Note to self: start a garden). Ok, I can relate to most of it, but not all. I can relate with the sadness of the main characters. I can relate to the longing they shared for a child. I can relate to discussing how awesome their kid would be, and what great parents they would be. I can relate to their venture into adoption.

Trust me, I'm not giving away the movie here.

A few weeks ago Joshua and I learned of a child to be born in less than two months. Immediately as I heard the story of the mother who already has four children and decided she cannot care for another, I knew we had to do something. We weren't prepared, we didn't know what we were doing, but we jumped in head first. Or feet first? Which one means you go all the way really fast? Home run? Whatever. We got started right away. I called an attorney to see what we needed to be doing. I called social services to get the ball rolling. Everything was rushed because the baby is due so soon.

Within days Josh and I were talking about childcare, and balancing everything. We were so overwhelmed because we had always assumed we would have nine months to get used to everything. Nine months to get things around. Suddenly we were faced with getting our house in order for a home study (read: inspection), figuring out how to make a nursery on such short notice, with such low funds (adoption and infertility are the most unjustly priced endeavors I have ever known of in my life. Ever.), and the fact that we could have a baby before Thanksgiving. We were faced with all kinds of uncertainties.

Suddenly, without even knowing it, I fell in love with a baby I had never met, or even knew the sex of. I had all these ideas of how I wanted things to be, how I wanted birth announcements to look, who I wanted to watch our baby (our baby. I would trip up just thinking that.), getting our baby onto our Y membership, and almost every other thing you can imagine. In a little over a week I had all of our ducks in a row. I knew the attorney we were to use. I had all the paperwork from social services. I was getting ready to tell my boss that if everything went well I would be taking a leave of absence. I started pinning adoption links. Picking out clothes. Losing my mind.

And then the birth mom changed her mind.

The hardest part was trying to be happy that she would step up and take responsibility for her own child. It was so hard because I felt like she stole our baby. The baby that was hers all along. I guess I'm still sad about it. I really hope the birth mom will be a good mother to all of her children, but I just know we will be awesome parents. I mean, we're awesome people, how could we not be awesome parents? Seriously.

And now that I've written all of that, I'm not really sure how to end this post. I feel like I'm one of those people who end a sentence with "and..." or "so..." and I hate that, but I really don't know where I'm going with this. There really is no ending to this story, except that we aren't adopting right now. That doesn't mean not ever, just not as soon as we once thought.


Pin It


  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

  2. This post made me all teary eyed. I know that it will all work out for you guys. I have faith that the perfect opportunity is out there for you and Josh.

  3. I wish we could hang out and talk and drink wine and do nails and cry a little. <3 Also as someone who is adopted, this was heart-wrenching to read. My parents are very stoic (well mom is, dad was) so it's hard to imagine them like this... so excited... but I know they must have been. I know your baby is coming, one way or another. Anytime you want to talk, shoot me a message. HUGS!!!

  4. I want to give you all the hugs, and all the love, and all the babies. Not in a creepy, let me marry you and have your babies way, but you know what I mean.



Related Posts with Thumbnails