Learn More About Me

Monday, January 23, 2012


Yesterday I was grocery shopping for the food for Joshua's birthday dinner. While in the soup aisle I ran into a girl I used to work with. We hadn't seen each other for four or so years because she left for a new job before I did. We caught up a little, you know, those typical are you still married? questions.

I consistently get asked "any kids?". Right after the marriage question.

When she asked the kids question, I decided to just say "We don't have any yet. We want them, but getting pregnant isn't as easy as I hoped it would be."

That is an awkward situation. I'm clear on that. People don't really know what to say. Typically, they always say (as she did),  "I have a few friends who went through the same thing, and as soon as they relaxed they got pregnant."

Yes, yes. Allow me to relax.

But first, let me clear my mind.

This is an example of some of the thoughts going through my head at any given time.

  • Did I take my pill last night?
  • Did I make that appointment?
  • What if my period doesn't start?
  • What if my period doesn't stop?
  • What is that noise coming from the sink?
  • Is my curling iron still on?
  • Where is my phone?
  • Why won't my engine light turn off?
  • What if I can't get pregnant?
  • What do I want for dinner tonight?
  • Do we have any cake?
  • Should we vaccinate our children?
  • Are the dog's shots up to date?
  • What if I can't meet my running goal?
  • Can we afford to have a baby?
  • What if the jacket I want goes out of stock?
  • What is today?
  • Are my fingers crooked?
  • Will we be able to have Amico inside when we have a baby?
  • Will we ever have a baby?
That is ten seconds worth.

Relaxing though? What is that?

Here is something I've not shared here before: When I was five, my sister died after having an allergic reaction to a vaccination.

How in the world can I not think about that when I'm thinking about our own future children?

I don't have many bible verses memorized, and I don't even have this one memorized, but I always think of it when I start to worry (see above list).

Matthew 6:27
Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?

Well, this post has been basically just a choppy mess of random thoughts. What I'm getting at is that I'm anxiously back in the waiting game to see what will happen.

As I prepare for my next cycle of Clomid, I'm going to try to relax (pshhhh), and remind myself of the above verse. I'll just keep breathing and hopefully some day I'll be able to answer the kids question differently.

Do you have to make an effort to relax? Tips?

No comments:

Post a Comment


Related Posts with Thumbnails