12 Days of Trauma

Last year I was diagnosed with C-PTSD from my diagnosis with MS. The main difference between PTSD and C-PTSD is that PTSD can be caused by a single traumatic event, but C-PTSD is an ongoing experience (like chronic illness). I'm not a doctor, so don't take me too seriously.

This year is the first year I've been able to actually identify my feelings, and admit them out loud.

I feel completely worthless. I feel like I'm taking up space and not doing anything productive. I feel like a giant waste of a person. And it's so interesting to me, because I know at the same time that none of that is true. But it FEELS true.

I have been having really bizarre dreams lately, and one was so funny that I text Kallan about it. She responded and said "okay, that dream needs analyzed" and I said "No, it doesn't. I'm in my trauma period that goes from 11/8 when I had my lumbar puncture, to 11/20 when I was diagnosed." And just like that, the 12 Days of Trauma was born. 

November 

8

9

10

11

12

13

14 - Bagel Day

15

16

17

18

19

20

Here is what I'm looking for. I want to set each day of the 12 as a little treat to myself. An Advent Calendar of Trauma if you will. Today I had the most delicious bagel sandwich for lunch, and so Bagel Day was born. 

What I want to do, is come up with a set path to follow for the 12 Days of Trauma so that next year, I don't get halfway through and wonder what the hell happened to me, my confidence, and my peace of mind.