Learn More About Me

Thursday, December 19, 2013

The Missed Match

Any adoptive family can tell you, a cancelled match or changed mind is part of the game.
If you think about it, it is extremely heartbreaking, but understandable.

Can you imagine finding out that you're pregnant and making the decision that you cannot care for your unborn, then set out to find someone else to love your child in the way you approve of? Can you imagine spending nine months of your life with someone, and then one day, that person is gone?

I can't either.

We are no strangers to a cancelled match. Before we met Isaiah's birth mom, there was a different birth mom who decided against placing her child with us, and there have been two more cancelled matches since Isaiah was born.

When he was two months old, we heard of a birth mom who knew of us through Isaiah's birth mom. She decided she couldn't handle another child, but eventually changed her mind and kept the baby.

We found out in early November that there was another birth mom in our area who was pregnant with a little girl that she wanted to find a family for. She had already contacted a local agency, but then heard about us and felt more comfortable placing her child with someone a friend could personally vouch for. I understand that private adoptions outside of an agency are odd, but these birth moms know about our family by word of mouth. All of these birth moms are distantly connected somehow to us in a way that they've heard about Isaiah's adoption.  We aren't actively pursuing another adoption, but we agreed long before we knew about Isaiah that we would never turn a child away. Even if we aren't ready or prepared, if there is a child who needs us, the answer is always going to be yes.

We mentally prepared to become parents again. We considered the logistics of what it would mean for us.

And we loved her.


We started clearing out our last spare room to make a little girl nursery. I started a hidden "little girl" board on Pinterest. I started to get sentimental that this would be Isaiah's first and only Christmas as an only child. I got scared of taking care of girl hair. We figured out how we would cover the fees. I even told my brothers about her.

And then her birth mom decided she couldn't let her go.

I admire her for loving her child so much that she couldn't let go. At the same time, I let go of a little piece of my heart every time. As soon as I hear of a child who may be meant for us, I give my heart away. I never knew how immediately I could love a child until we started pursuing adoption.
 
Adoption isn't easy. You don't have any control. But in our experience, everything works out exactly how it's supposed to, no matter how many times your heart breaks in the process.


7 comments:

  1. Gosh. That must be so difficult. My husband and I used to talk a lot about adoption. I think he's closed to it now, though for this very reason. We can't imagine losing out on the life of a child after planning for and already feeling like he/she was ours. I'm so sorry it worked out the way it did.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you for your kind words. It does stink things worked out the way they did, but I know there is a reason why they did, so it's hard to be too upset about it. It just wasn't meant to be. Adoption isn't for everyone, and it is very hard. I'm always available if you ever want to discuss it. :)

      Delete
  2. I can't imagine the emotional turmoil that all of this brings. You're such amazing people to open up your hearts and your homes to a child that needs you. Blessings.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much. The emotional aspect is part of the game unfortunately.

      Delete
  3. Oh my, I'm sorry :( That's awful. One of the reasons we pursued state wait children so much more than newborn adoption is for this very reason. After three losses and waiting as long as we have, the idea of gettig that close, and losing out on the opportunity was almost too much. We kept our name out there with the agency, but I think our current situation is a better fit for my heart at this point.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I understand. I'm so excited about your current situation, and am so hopeful for you. :)

      Delete
  4. I'm so sorry to hear! :( I can't even imagine what you're going through. :(

    ReplyDelete

LinkWithin

Related Posts with Thumbnails
 
SITE DESIGN BY DESIGNER BLOGS