That was hard to admit.
When we were in the hospital, the only time I cried was for a very short time when Isaiah was born. After that, I think I went into shock survival mode where I was just trying to get through to the time we could leave.
The relief that the adoption was over, the relief that Isaiah was born, the nervousness of taking care of a newborn, and the uncomfortableness that was not being in our own home caught up with me as soon as we got home.
We walked in the door and tried to introduce Isaiah to our dog. Amico is the best dog I've ever known, but he's extremely enthusiastic in everything he does. When he's interested in you, he needs to be on top of you. When he plays, he plays hard. When he wants the couch, he will push you off of it. We've had him for 7 years and he is a member of our family. He lived outside for a few years, but when we bought our house he came inside to live with us.
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| He loves everyone. |
Amico has never seen a newborn, and was extremely excited to meet Isaiah. He was too excited and it was very upsetting to me. I burst into tears because I jumped to the worst case scenario and decided we had to get rid of the dog.
I was a blubbering mess. Wailing on and on about how it wasn't fair of us to bring the baby home and get rid of Amico "Because I loooooove him! This is his home too!". Josh was a little unsure what to do.
He put me in our bedroom and said "I'm going to close the door, and you do what you need to do. I've got everything under control out here.".
So then I started crying about how Josh is a better parent than me because he wasn't crying. I was crying because I was crying.
Then I started to think about our birth mom. I cried for her because she left the hospital hours before, knowing that she wouldn't see Isaiah again for a very long time, if ever. I hadn't seen him in ten minutes and couldn't handle it.
And then I cried about the color of the curtains in the bedroom. Ha. Just kidding.
The three of us fell asleep and when I woke up I felt so much better, and we laughed about how crazy I am.
I'm happy to report that I've been fairly stable since that night, and now we have a great story to tell Isaiah about the night he came home.
I'm so happy I'm not the only one who cries about silly things. I once had a breakdown over a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I can only imagine how much worse it will get once we have a child.
ReplyDeleteI have to say that seems fair to me as I have had crying bursts over grocery stores and all sorts of silly things when we moved to Sweden, but with a huge life changing event I think they are necessary as they clear the view in a way making way for new things.
ReplyDeleteAwww Amico! He is going to be a great brother! You need to take one of those pictures with the baby and the dog... I'll try to find it on pinterest...
ReplyDeleteI cry a lot now that I live in Mississippi all by myself (and I wasn't a cryer before). Sometimes it just makes you feel better.