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Saturday, March 16, 2013

SAHM: Stay At H-OMG

It's no secret - I would make an excellent stay at home wife. I tried for years to make it work out for me. I always offered to stay home and take care of the house, but it never quite worked out. The chances of me finding work as a stay at home wife in these parts is highly unlikely. The one time I thought it might finally work out for me, I was offered my current job the next day and it really wasn't something I could refuse.

Joshua and I have always talked about me being at stay at home mom, and I've always been super in to it. This may be the first time you're hearing of it. I don't often share this because as a whole, my family is fairly disapproving of this career choice. I do have a bachelors degree, and someday Isaiah will know as much about history as I do. I would love to be at home raising our children, teaching them things, going places with them, enjoying my days with them. That is the bright rosy part of it that is so appealing.

What I didn't get until recently, is that it isn't all butterflies and daisies.

I have a great job, but it's just that - a job. I wouldn't miss the work, but I would greatly miss the people. I have been getting regular updates on how boring the office is without me. The one I got today from my boss told me that one coworker picked his nose and almost bled out, another thinks they have a brain tumor, someone else has a lot of gas, nothing funny happens without me there, and everyone talks to him and he just wants them to shut up. I actually miss that and I honestly didn't expect to.

One of our good friends was in town the other day. We don't see him often, and when we do, he and Josh spend basically the whole time together. There is nothing wrong with that, but it gave me my first dose of stay at home motherhood.

I'm not sure how you all do it. I had gotten so used to the help I was getting from Josh that the instant he was away and I wasn't able to ask for his help, the difference was extremely apparent. And it was hard. And it made me wonder if I was really cut out to be a SAHM. (By the way, my SAHM status is still pending. We're not 100% sure it will happen). I mean, it's an unending job. The only thing I keep reminding myself is that I have been able to succeed at everything else I've put my mind to (except for being a cashier. I wasn't so great at that). So maybe if I decide it's going to work, it will.

Did anyone else question their decision to be a SAHM?

11 comments:

  1. I am not a SAHM but I can tell you about the difference between the hour s I worked between both of my boys. After I had Gabriel, I went back to a 40 hour work week, and I most of his big milestones. I hated myself for it. But I loved being around my co-workers. Greg and I had discussed from the beginning of being pregnant with Orion that I would have to go part-time, so we wouldn't burn out our parents with babysitting. After having Orion and going from a 40 hour work week to 14-16 hour work week, I might as well be a SAHM. As much as I love being with my boys, and I haven't missed an of Orion's milestones yet. I feel very confined, because it is hard to leave the house when I want too. I have to leave the house everyday, no matter what, or I would go crazy. It is very important to get out of the house, or you will go crazy. It is easier if you have another mom to meet up with too, and then you won't feel like it you only have a baby to talk to . I felt like that a lot with Gabriel because most of my friends do not have children. I always thought I wanted to be a SAHM but then I realized I hate cleaning, cooking, and doing laundry. The best part is being with my boys. That is just my take on it, if I could work more I would.

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    1. Well, I don't know if you would feel comfortable or not, but when Isaiah is a little bigger we'll be looking for friends to play with. We've been getting out here and there and it does help a lot. It takes me so long though to get ready, and I can't imagine how hard it would be with two!

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  2. As you know I am not currently working and from my experience and talking with others in my situation, living abroad and not working, each persons happiness varies as each person is so unique. I personally love having time for myself right now and not working and some weeks only leave the house to go grocery shopping which I am fine with but know that some others would go crazy with that. So I guess what I am saying is you might love it or hate it but both are ok!

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  3. O yea and I also wanted to say my family is very supportive of me being at home but my husbands family always makes mean and snide remarks about it which hurt but I have learned to brush off.

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    1. Bailie,
      I was an AMAZING stay at home wife. I was unemployed for about three weeks once and it was great. We were both very happy and the house was clean and life was like a 50s sitcom. I feel like we could get back to that, but I really need to adjust into motherhood first.

      And boo to Fredrik's fam. That's lame. Are the cultural norms different there? Like it isn't acceptable to stay home?

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  4. I think there are pros and cons to both sides. I always thought it would be a great idea to stay home and be with my child all day. On the other hand, I know my personality and I know I need my own socialization :) My work as an ICU nurse is good for that. I think my co-workers keep me grounded and sane. They make me laugh like only an adult could. They teach me new things everyday. I know I will miss my baby, but luckily I have a great sitter lined up for the first year. I think thats helps make my decision to return to work a lot easier.

    There is always the financial side too. Unfortunately, even though my husband and I have bachelors degrees and great jobs, it takes both of our incomes to pay the bills and have money left to save for the future (we dont want to live in our condo forever).

    I think if you lay it all out on paper, you will find what works best for you :) There is always part-time too!

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    1. I think for a while part-time is the way to go for us. We'll be able to overlap our schedules so that while I'm working Josh has Isaiah and the other way around. Right now it seems like the best option.

      I'm always fascinated by nurses. Especially ICU. I thought for a few minutes once about being a nurse and then realized that there was no way in the world I could do it. I'm better about handling gross stuff now, but watching a needle go into skin makes me feel sick. And stitches. And that's just Redi-Med stuff, not serious ICU things.

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  5. I never wanted to be a SAHM, and the first few weeks of my maternity leave, when I was alone with A., I thought "I am REALLY not cut out for this SAHM business." But after a few weeks, I found my groove as a mom, and by the time my leave was over, I wanted more than anything to be able to stay home with A. forever. It wasn't an option for me, though, so I went back to work, and eventually found my groove as a working mom. But some days I still really wish I could be a SAHM...or at least cut back to part-time hours at work.

    So my advice is just to give it time -- find your groove, figure out what works best for you. Maybe staying at home will be the best. Maybe going back to work and interacting with other adults will be a lifesaver for you. Whatever makes you happiest and works best for your family is the right decision. The most important thing for Isaiah is for his mama to be happy.

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    1. This is excellent advice. I've gotten so much more used to being home since I wrote this post, and it isn't so bad or scary now.

      I still don't know if it's what is best, but it is better. :)

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  6. I'm questioning it hardcore today. LOL But I am grateful for this time with my babes.

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